Finding Brielle (a Forever & Always novel) Read online

  Alyvia Paige

  COPYRIGHT© 2015

  Finding Brielle Copyright © 2015 Alyvia Paige

  Published by Alyvia Paige

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.

  This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people.

  If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

  Published: Alyvia Paige, December 2015:

  Editing: Jennifer Van Wyk – JaVa Editing

  Cover Design: J. Sava – Love Affair with Fiction

  Formatting by: Brenda Wright, Formatting Done Wright

  This book is intended for a mature audience of eighteen and older.

  Table of Contents

  PROLOGUE

  Chapter 1 – Brielle

  Chapter 2 – Jase

  Chapter 3 – Brielle

  Chapter 4 – Chase

  Chapter 5 – Brielle

  Chapter 6 – Brielle

  Chapter 7 – Chase

  Chapter 8 – Brielle

  Chapter 9 – Jase

  Chapter 10 – Brielle

  Chapter 11 – Jase

  Chapter 12 – Brielle

  Chapter 13 – Jase

  Chapter 14 - Brielle

  Chapter 15 – Jase

  Chapter 16 – Brielle

  Chapter 17 – Jase

  Chapter 18 – Brielle

  Chapter 19 – Jase

  Chapter 20 – Brielle

  Chapter 21 – Jase

  Chapter 22 – Brielle

  Chapter 23 – Jase

  Chapter 24 – Brielle

  Chapter 25 – Brielle

  Chapter 26 – Jase

  Chapter 27 – Jase

  Chapter 28 – Brielle

  Chapter 29 – Jase

  Chapter 30 – Brielle

  Chapter 31 – Jase

  Chapter 32 – Brielle

  Chapter 33 – Brielle

  Chapter 34 – Jase

  Chapter 35 – Brielle

  Chapter 36 – Jase

  Chapter 37 – Brielle

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Jason – for always holding me up and refusing to let me throw in the towel even when it was the only thing I wanted to do. For giving me an alternative Happily Ever After… it has been far better than the one I dreamt for myself!

  My fellow Endometriosis Warriors… NEVER stop asking questions, NEVER give up, and NEVER stop living! #SpooniesForever #EndoAware

  Wiggling my toes to ensure the slightest bit of freedom exists, I stand, removing the turquoise plastic guards and proceed to the dual entry door. Pressing play on my iPhone before tucking it into the pocket of my insulated warm-up jacket sends the acoustic beginnings of Try pouring into my ears via the snug ear buds I placed in them just moments before. Just as Colbie’s soothing voice begins singing about dolling yourself up, I instinctively begin to glide across the once untouched ice. My legs moving to the rhythm, carrying the pace as I absorb the words needing to remind myself that I am here solely for me, no one else – this is my element, no one can take this choice from me.

  According to my playlist, I have been skating for about an hour giving me at least another forty-five minutes before I need to be at the airport. Pulling the buds from my ears, I can’t help but laugh as my speed adjusts to the new tune ringing in my ears. Only one person knew I was coming here this morning, and I was supposed to be picking him up to take him home, not him coming here. Only Jase Fields would play Jealous over the loud speakers knowing I couldn’t punch him for being a douchebag because I would rather lose myself in the rhythm of the beats than grant him the satisfaction of enjoying his ridiculous humor.

  The song cuts off instantly at the ending and I skate to the same door that I crossed through earlier, stopping abruptly and throwing shaved ice onto Jase’s basketball shorts and hoody. His cocky fucking grin welcomes me along with a bottle of FIJI water.

  “Nice song choice, douchebag.”

  “Thanks, Ellie,” he teases, handing me the guards for my skates before walking to my bag. “You look great out there.”

  “Really? It’s no different than any other time you watch.” I smile while drying off my blades before placing the terrycloth covers on each one and stowing them in my bag. “Wait, why are you here? I was supposed to pick you up… shit did I mess up times?” I stammer, now focusing on him sitting with me opposed to waiting on me.

  “Chill, my flight landed early. You told me you would be here, I figured I would watch you get some laps and jumps in, seeing as you’ll be stuck sitting around watching me all week.” The left corner of his mouth twitches up, giving way to his signature smirk.

  “Can’t say I’m not gonna enjoy your four-stroke babe,” I laugh throwing my bag over my shoulder leading him out of the rink to my SUV.

  “Aww, I love that you’re rockin’ my number on the back of your Murano,” Jase croons as he throws his backpack into the back along with my skate bag.

  “Yeah, well,” I mumble before handing him the keys and walking to the passenger side and sliding into the plush, black leather seat. Just as we settle and the engine purrs to life, Jase begins to laugh as he looks over at me – the internal memory of my car’s technology adjusting to his body specifications and features previously programmed in by him.

  “Hmm, apparently my car is fond of your ass.” I retort as he takes off down I-95, but the truth is, I just never reset the Nissan Intelligent Key that was designed to memorize the driver’s seating and mirror specifications with the touch of a finger.

  “You nervous about tomorrow?” he asks while selecting a playlist on his phone, sending Imagine Dragons through the stereo system.

  Shrugging, I look out the window humming along to the song. "Well the birth control options didn't help, so unless I want to continue feeling like little minions are ripping apart my uterus and lower abdomen with no clear explanation, it's the only option."

  "What'd Han have to say? She doin’ okay?"

  "I just told her I had an event and would be staying in Miami for the week," I sigh. "She'll understand, I just couldn't add to her stress and she's still beyond upset with Carter leaving. She mentioned that she was going home in a few months for a week or so, I’ll probably do that with her. I just couldn't stomach adding more stress to her plate, ya know?"

  Reaching across the center console, he grasps my hand giving it a squeeze then gently caresses my knuckles with the pad of his thumb. “I get it Brie, don’t worry. I got you babe, I always got you,” he states with a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

  Me - Home. Thx again for taking care of me and keeping me entertained!

  JR - Np Ellie. Lemme know how Han takes it AND I can drive up if you need me

  Me - LOL stfu it’s all good - like I’ve said the past million times

  Slowly unfolding myself from the same position I have been stuck
in for the past two hours, thanks to the horrific turnpike traffic, I grab my bag and head inside to face Hannah. Dread washes over me again as it had most of the drive home; I tell Han everything, but not this. I don’t know what’s been up with her, but selfishly I couldn’t take the extra stress and I honestly didn’t want to be the one to add even more stress to her plate. I swear the girl swims in it, and I refuse to be a burden.

  “Banana, you here?” I holler, walking through the door dropping my bag once I’m inside. Making my way into the living room with just my cell in hand, I slowly lower myself onto the lush leather sofa, curling my legs up under my body.

  “Hey Brie,” Hannah sings as she glides into the room courtesy of her ultra-fuzzy socks. “I missed you, how was your week?” She says plopping into the chair next to me, speaking around a mouth full of banana.

  “I missed you too,” I smile back to her, “and it was a long week, so we should talk about it.” I say nervously biting my lip and diverting my eyes toward the wall of windows in front of me exhibiting the picturesque backyard.

  “Brielle, what is it? What’s going on?” Hannah asks as she moves to sit next to me, but when I don’t respond, she immediately continues – her soothing voice relaxing me slightly. “Brie, seriously talk to me, I’m here, all support just like always. Let me be your person.”

  Turning my head toward Hannah, I give her a tight smile and nod before letting out a long breath. “So you know for a long time I’ve been having problems with my cycles and sometimes my cramps caused me excruciating pain?”

  “Mhmm.”

  “All right, so I went to my gynecologist and I’ve also been seeing a specialist to try and determine the root cause of the pain. I’ve been on three different medicine treatment plans, and unfortunately I didn’t respond well to any of them.” I pause trying to gauge her reaction – pooling tears… great; this is going to be disastrous.

  “Brie, w-what’s wrong?” she questions with a quivering lip.

  “Oh hell Banana, it’s not that bad. I’m not dying or anything, fuck.” This is why I didn’t want to say anything before hand, even the past several years I’ve kept my pain and medical issues locked away… for this very reason, people freak out. “Anyway, so because the med treatments didn’t work as hoped, Dr. Bradley, that’s my specialist, suggested I have exploratory surgery.”

  “Oh shit okay, so when is that?” Holy whiplash on Hannah’s emotional train ride. “I’ll take off the day and a few others around it to take care of you.” She beams a Hannah will fix this smile at me.

  “That’s what I need to talk to you about,” I bite my lip again and swallow hard before I continue. I know this is going to hurt her and piss her off simultaneously. “I had surgery on Monday. It wasn’t same day, but I was able to leave on Tuesday morning after I kept some soft foods down.”

  “YOU WHAT? ALONE?” Hannah’s eyes bulge as she shouts, I hold up my hand to stop her and thankfully, she backs down momentarily, but her eyes are brewing a storm between anger and devastation.

  “I knew you’d be upset… angry even, but Han you’ve been distraught and stressed. I refuse to be a burden and I didn’t want you to worry.” She starts to interrupt me, so I place my hand on her leg and continue. “I’m okay Banana. Well, I’m not, but it’s apparently manageable and I wasn’t alone.”

  “I am so fucking pissed at you Brielle Dawn. You’re my person, I’m your person. You don’t get to just shut me out, dammit!” She cries and impulsively I wipe the tears free falling from her eyes with the pads of my thumbs.

  “I know Hannah Banana, but please just try to understand, you promised you would support me, and I need that.” I smile.

  “Ugh, so what did they find?” She grunts out through a stuffy nose.

  “I have stage four Endometriosis. That’s the most severe stage and I am at a moderate level in that platform. So, it’s bad, but, there are treatment methods and trial studies that I can be a part of. Monday, they did a laparoscopy and laser ablation. So minimally invasive and removed the visible endometrial implants.” I take another deep breath, look into my best-friend’s worried eyes as I gently lift my shirt, and show her the small incisions marring my stomach. “See, not so bad. They are all under one inch in size and only the five, two here,” I explain pointing at the two on the left side of my abdomen. “And two on the opposite side here. Oh and the other is in my belly button. That scar is gonna fuck up my perfect lil dent.”

  “So, what’s next?” She asks as I lower my shirt once she’s done examining me and looks back to my eyes. “Do your parents know? Does anyone know but me?”

  “You and umm…” I look back to the windows before answering, “Jase.”

  “As in my cousin, Jase?” She quirks a perfectly manicured brow and smirks, “Interesting.”

  November 21

  I worried. I smiled. I laughed. I cried.

  It’s been a while since I opened you up. Guess that’s what happens when I’m distracted. I need to work on that… consistency is key. Routines are formed from consistent habits, habits recreated 21 days in consecutive order are retained and are more prone to become routine.

  I hate bananas. I love belly buttons. Oh! And pickles… I love me some pickles. < see consistency. Those things haven’t changed in YEARS!

  I made the Thanksgiving meal. I miss it – cooking, between taking care of myself and Hannah Banana (Hannah Banana is the exception to the banana rule – I love her) I’ve neglected one of my true passions for pleasure; aside from ice-skating that is. I love to cook, bake, create. My own masterpieces both reconstructed from old family specialties or completely imagined and brought to life. The people and memories that food brings together is probably why.

  This pain though, it’s unbearable. I’ve never felt it so intense or persistent.

  Click. Click. Click.

  Can time go any slower? We’ve been in this stark, sterile white room for three hours now. This plastic, inflatable bed is undoubtedly as comfortable as laying on the floor.

  “Hey girl, my shift is over.” Bekah, my current nurse chirps from the doorway. “This is Adalyn, she’s a RN from another department, but is going to help out here in Emergency until things calm down. She should be with you until you leave, so be sure to hit your call button if you need anything. Dr. Mercer should be in within the next hour to discuss your radiology results.”

  “Thanks, Bekah,” I try to offer a smile but wince in pain instead. “How about another dose of pain medication and a warm blanket, Adalyn?”

  “Sure thing, give me just a few minutes and I’ll be back in,” and she bounced out of the room, her long brown hair swaying side to side from her ponytail.

  “She seems perky for this time of night,” Hannah grumbles as she fishes through my purse for my cellphone that won’t stop chiming. “Seriously, who is texting you so much?”

  “I don’t know. Just put it on silent, or hand it here.” I scoff at her moodiness just before the once permanent frown marring her face turns upside down into a megawatt smile. “What has Grumpy McGrumperson so happy now?”

  “You want your cell or you want me to read the missed messages to you?” She laughs and swipes the screen to unlock my phone. “What the fuck, why is there a password?”

  “Because I’m not really at liberty to share my life with just anyone who picks up my phone,” I chuckle while giving her the four-digit code. Adalyn springs back into the room, bright eyed and full of goodies – two heated blankets, two syringes, and a tablet.

  “All right, here are some blankets,” She smiles handing one to Hannah then removes my original blankets, putting the heated blanket over me and the other atop of the fresh one locking in the heat. “And the drugs, because we all know this is more important than that dang blanket.”

  “Calgon take me away,” I jest as she injects the Demerol into my IV then flushes the line with saline.

  “You’re Dr. Mercer’s next stop, and I hope when I come back in here, I’ll b
e discharging you.”

  “Thanks,” Hannah and I say in unison as Adalyn makes her way out of the room.

  “Now, let’s see these messages while we wait, shall we?” Hannah’s restored energy and my Demerol induced high encourages a fit of giggles.

  JR – how are you feeling?

  JR – Ellie? Hello – did you go to the hospital?

  JR – Brielle, I’m worried dammit. I don’t give two shits about the boyfriend. TEXT ME BACK!

  JR – I called your mother. What hospital room are you in?

  JR – I’m going to kick Hannah’s ass for not answering or responding to my messages

  “OMG he is so needy today, text him back.” I whine as Hannah begins to type in a message.

  Me – Brie is drugged and waiting for the doctor. No word on what’s happening. Room E49. My phone’s on silent…deal.

  JR – coming in.

  “Seriously he was just outside the door when I texted him, Brielle, he’s co –” Hannah stopped talking just as Jase stormed through the door.

  “Hey,” I smiled up at him trying to mask the pain that ebbs and flows continuously. His grimace tells me all I need to know, I’m not fooling anyone.

  “Hey back, I’ve been worried.” Of course, he’s been worried; he’s the only person with an idea of what’s happening to me. He’s the only one I’ve allowed to get close to this because he’s a friend that refuses to pity me.

  “I couldn’t tell from the messages and you barging in here.” I chortle as he strides to my side.

  “Smartass,” he murmurs against my forehead. “You should have called,” he reprimands me before brushing his lips over mine briefly; completely dismissing the fact that Hannah is sitting just opposite of us as well as the fact that we are friends, friends who do not kiss or act romantically in any way.

  “Um, right here.” Hannah coughs.

  “Um, could give a shit less Banana,” Jase responds, giving her a wink and makes himself comfortable next to my legs resting a hand on my thigh. I know Hannah’s watching the interaction, but it’s soothing to have him near.

  Approximately thirty minutes into Jase’s dissertation on my surgery, Dr. Mercer pushes through my hospital room door and orders Jase off the near concrete slab I’ve been stuck on for hours.